I want to let go, so badly. But I also want to hold on.
Oh wow what a decision, lol.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
Lost girls like us...we find our own way in the forest.
The past few months have not been well on me when it comes to guys. One broke my heart, one forgot about me, and one uses me. But the worse part is that all three still want to keep me around, stringing me along. And the WORST part is that I hold on to the string and let them do this to me.
Like honestly, how would you feel if the guy that chased after you, talked to you first, confessed his love for you, was with you in the most serious relationship you've ever had despite what others say, after 2 years, tells you that he loves you less now than he did two years ago.
I feel worthless. I really do. It's not that I don't realize i'm letting others form my opinion about who I am. It just...sucks, y'know. Getting comments like that. Especially from the one guy you thought wouldn't do that to you: make you feel worthless.
And now I hate going to my blog cause his pictures are just a few posts down.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Nothing better to do.
It's hard to get back into a normal sleeping cycle once you're used to staying up till...7-8 in the morning. But I hate waking up at 2 pm everyday, I miss half of the day, for...idk? I don't even remember the shit I do while staying up, lol.
So right now i'm just gonna write a short description of how my life is going so far;
I'm currently on my first semester break in uni. USM is...okay I guess. After a few months of staying there only do I realise what my mom meant about it being easier for me to stay there. I didn't feel this way until I got a car, and driving back and forth to class plus slowly learning how to drive to other places gives me the freedom to go wherever I wanted to. Classes are okay too. Basically, I have one studio subject (which means coursework all semester) and 5 other subjects (Building Construction, Built Environment & Human Settlement, Construction Economics, Environmental Science & Ethnic Relations). The studio subject takes most of my time throughout the semester. Late nights at the studio, no shower or sleep the day before submission, group works, money spent on materials then watching them get recycled or thrown away after exhibition day. Then the moment exams come in, I have no idea what i've been learning in the other classes. So basically I relearned everything in a short night before exams. Kinda anxious about my results.
I'm not too happy about my course in USM at the moment, but i'll give it another try and hopefully see a change in the next few semesters. I doubt i'll change courses/uni for my degree. Complications in my life don't work well with my parents. I'm supposed to be the "simple" kid in the family. No big decisions, no big choices, no risks, everything is safe and controlled. If it keeps them happy, okay.
Things with Allen are going okay as well. We hit a rough patch after September when he had to cancel his plans to come here due to passport problems. It got worse when I entered uni and he got into college, cause we barely had time for each other, so communication was a bit down. We're working on it now, and i'm hoping for the best. We both have problems we don't tell each other, so the process is going slowly.
Haha, got some shocking news today from a friend in SA. He's the only other couple I know that both sides live on opposite ends. His girlfriend lives in Ireland. They've met though, and they're both much older than us. Just found out today though that they're gonna have a baby together. Kinda hit me in the face about my own relationship (lol God no i'm not gonna have a baby straightaway with Allen) but yeah, makes things seem more real.
As usual, thinking about what to do during the holidays. Something that doesn't interfere with whatever my mom has planned for me that I don't know of yet. My family has this way of making me feel guilty for making any sort of plans without them. Makes me feel kinda depressed that I don't have the option of just going off on a one week trip to Paris/London/anywhere out of the blue. But i'm sure i'll have that chance in the future. For now I should just appreciate the time I have with my family. :)
Other than that, blah blah blah. Cold night alone with my thoughts. That's about it for now, taa!
So right now i'm just gonna write a short description of how my life is going so far;
I'm currently on my first semester break in uni. USM is...okay I guess. After a few months of staying there only do I realise what my mom meant about it being easier for me to stay there. I didn't feel this way until I got a car, and driving back and forth to class plus slowly learning how to drive to other places gives me the freedom to go wherever I wanted to. Classes are okay too. Basically, I have one studio subject (which means coursework all semester) and 5 other subjects (Building Construction, Built Environment & Human Settlement, Construction Economics, Environmental Science & Ethnic Relations). The studio subject takes most of my time throughout the semester. Late nights at the studio, no shower or sleep the day before submission, group works, money spent on materials then watching them get recycled or thrown away after exhibition day. Then the moment exams come in, I have no idea what i've been learning in the other classes. So basically I relearned everything in a short night before exams. Kinda anxious about my results.
I'm not too happy about my course in USM at the moment, but i'll give it another try and hopefully see a change in the next few semesters. I doubt i'll change courses/uni for my degree. Complications in my life don't work well with my parents. I'm supposed to be the "simple" kid in the family. No big decisions, no big choices, no risks, everything is safe and controlled. If it keeps them happy, okay.
Things with Allen are going okay as well. We hit a rough patch after September when he had to cancel his plans to come here due to passport problems. It got worse when I entered uni and he got into college, cause we barely had time for each other, so communication was a bit down. We're working on it now, and i'm hoping for the best. We both have problems we don't tell each other, so the process is going slowly.
Haha, got some shocking news today from a friend in SA. He's the only other couple I know that both sides live on opposite ends. His girlfriend lives in Ireland. They've met though, and they're both much older than us. Just found out today though that they're gonna have a baby together. Kinda hit me in the face about my own relationship (lol God no i'm not gonna have a baby straightaway with Allen) but yeah, makes things seem more real.
As usual, thinking about what to do during the holidays. Something that doesn't interfere with whatever my mom has planned for me that I don't know of yet. My family has this way of making me feel guilty for making any sort of plans without them. Makes me feel kinda depressed that I don't have the option of just going off on a one week trip to Paris/London/anywhere out of the blue. But i'm sure i'll have that chance in the future. For now I should just appreciate the time I have with my family. :)
Other than that, blah blah blah. Cold night alone with my thoughts. That's about it for now, taa!
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