What's distracting me? - Part 1

Hola readers. (I'll say readers for once, because I don't actually know if it's just my friends reading ;0)

We had a Majlis Mohon Restu thing at school today. It's an event where students are supposed to like, ask for their teacher's blessing for the ilmu they've been given, basically collecting luck and approval for PMR/SPM/STPM. I was reluctant to go at first, seeing as this new lifestyle i'm trying out doesn't believe in the existence of things like 'luck' and 'blessings'. Like, once you get knowledge, no one can take it back. So why ask for approval from someone? Why do you ask for them to "halalkan" the knowledge, when it's already given to you and stuck inside your head? What is this nonsense?

Yes, this new lifestyle i'm trying out has ridden all sense of faith and hope from me. It's just me, science and what is here and now. I will tell you straight out, what i've been doing for the past 5 days. I tried living life without believing in the existance of God. I did not pray, did not believe in things without any proof of it, controlled my emotions, and only saw how things were at that time, through my eyes, and through only what I know.

I started viewing things from a different angle. It was surprising, actually. Seeing things from another perspective, one where there is no such thing as a God. You'll start noticing a few things. For example, like how the school tries to brainwash you into believeing God through religious songs and chants played on the morning radio, or prayers spoken on the PA system, when in fact half the school doesn't even know what it means. And another thing is that why only Islamic prayers? Why not any other religion like Hindu and Christianity etc.? Is the school scared that the Muslim students might convert to another religion?

The second thing I did was control my emotions. Your emotions are basically caused by chemicals in your body, your body, your body, your body which is already something you control. So all those over-dramatic blurts and expression of emotions is never spontaneous, it's just cause you felt like doing it. Because you thought that you couldn't control it, and you thought things were going out of control, so you get angry, or sad, and you let the emotions control you. You let your own cells control you. No, the mind is a powerful thing. What you thought is what caused how your body reacts. Right? (this was something that the motivater said today). So whenever I felt sad, I stopped it. Whenever I felt happy, I stopped it too. Because..well, why should I feel happy or sad? When it is in fact something that I can control, and not caused by anything other than myself? I choose to be happy or sad?

And whenever I achieved something, be it good or bad, I thought of it as a result of my own effort. No help from any unknown being (i.e. God) or through some stroke of luck. My own hard work, my own actions that I chose to do, the feelings I chose to feel and the things I chose to see, hear and know. All mine, caused by only me, and consequences felt by only me.

...

And I will tell you, my friend. It is a harsh world to live in.